When
you asked me how I was doing, did you genuinely want to know, or was
it a reflex question that people often ask and expecting an automated
answer of “yes, I am fine” but never a No?
Sometimes
I wish you would ask because you genuinely care and want to hear about
my state of mind because then I could be honest and tell you that I am
not doing fine.
Maybe then I could hope that
you care to listen and even be inclined to assist, without me worrying
that you listen to my pain just to gossip.
So
when you asked me how I am doing, I am forced to lie. Lie and not speak
the truth that I cry at night in my own space where I feel safe from
judgmental and inquisitive eyes.
I lie when I
smile in the daytime to mask my pain because I feel like the world has
gone insane and expect, demand even, that I smile to brighten my face,
just as how the sun shines to brighten the days.
I smile because no one wants to be reminded of their own pain in the light of day because they too must smile and carry on.
No one should know that they have been reconfigured from broken pieces and they are fragile; they have to remain strong.
So I dare not shed a tear in the light of day, for you to be forced to uncomfortably look away.
And
so I continue with my emotional dissonance. I smile and lie about it
and say that I’m doing fine, and then I cry about it in the silence of night time.
©thatweirdislandgirl
3 Comments
So true sometimes no one even no the silent pain u going through.
ReplyDeleteWell penned..we all wear our smile like a mask
ReplyDeleteWe all are out here wearing our pain masked as a smile
ReplyDeleteThank you for reading, you awesome person.