I Did Not Know That I was Walking to My Death

 

The day that I met you, I was walking to my death

I was happy and smiling walking towards you, because I just did not know it yet

I did not know that my smile which was radiant as a sunbeam would have faded and dry up like a wilted flower

I did not know that my calm spirit and the sweetness of my soul that softens my eyes and my heart would eventually turn sour

I just did not know. I did not know you yet. I did not know that I was walking to my death

I did not know that you would have drained every ounce of joy and happiness from my soul

I did not know that my once vibrant self and warm heart would have turned so cold

I didn’t know that I would be walking around listlessly like a zombie and wearing a perpetual scowl, saying yes to everything and doing as I have been told

I just did not know. I did not know you yet. I did not know that I was walking to my death.

I did not know that there would have come a day when I would be too afraid to say- how I feel and what I think

I did not know that being around you would be like walking on needles and pins or that every time that I speak I would be digging myself a hole in which to sink

I did not know that the meaning of my life would be transposed to being in service of your needs; forever at your beck and call

I did not know that not properly executing the duties demanded by you, would be my downfall

I couldn’t have known that you would separate me from my family and friends because you would tell them that I am busy or unavailable every time they call

I just did not know, I didn’t know at all

I did not know that I would be required to leave my job to be a baby incubator and to become a proper traditional wife

I did not know that I would be reminded and be regarded as a woman whose womb is cursed because I failed to bring forth a life

I did not know that my days and nights would be seasoned by constant arguments and fights, marinated in pain, grief and strife

I just did not know. I did not know you yet. I did not know that I was walking to my death.

 

I did not know that my tears could run out and that I would be severely punished for seeking help for myself

I did not know that I had so much courage and strength left to pray so hard to resist hurting you and hurting myself

I did not know that I have been dead inside for a while , because you have killed my spirit and I have lost my will

I did not know that I would be hospitalized and for a while institutionalized and be living on pills

 I did not know that when I met you that I would be numbering my days and I didn’t know that it was possible for a person to kill someone they say they love in so many ways

 

 So this is goodbye, as my last fight was brutal

No more tears left to cry, as the wounds that you inflicted were fatal

Please tell my family and friends that I love them and tell them not to cry

Tell them to remember me as they knew me before and not the way that I have died

Please tell them that I  fought as hard as I could, and that I was brave

And tell them that I did not know that when I met you, I was walking to my grave.