I am Afraid of My little Niece and Cousins

 

Sometimes kids  say some things that leaves you bewildered and utterly dumbfounded.  Having a conversation with my  five-year old niece and my little cousins is downright scary. Sometimes I do not know how to respond.

When a  five-year old uses words like 'unmashable', and 'undeadable', as the adult you try to correct them. For me, it's not that easy to convince my niece that those aren't words that exists in the English vernacular. She strongly disagrees and solidifies her argument by using them in a sentence.

1. Iron is unmashable.
2. God is undeadable.
   

 At that point I didn't know how to respond. I am very afraid when she asks me questions. It triggers my anxiety. 

My  five-year old niece: Auntie, If vegetable oil is made from vegetables and coconut oil is made from coconut, does that mean baby oil comes from babies?

My eight-year old cousin: Auntie, I know what WAP means

Me: About to have a heart attack

My eight-year old cousin: Worship And Pray

Me: Trying to breathe normal again

For the adults that doesn't know. WAP means (Wet Ass Pussy) which comes comes from Cardi B and Megan Thee Stallion hit single WAP.

 It's Hard to Raise Kids in the 21st Century

I have come to the conclusion that it was much easier to raise a child back when there was no internet and no technological devices such as smartphones or any phone for that matter. It is hard to raise kids in this century. They are very curious and as such they ask a lot of questions and they demand proof for their answers. 

I can totally understand why our fore parents use to tell their children that babies fall from the sky. That was a much simpler explanation than what is required now. Sometimes it's rather tricky to determine the proper age to educate them about certain things. You don't want to wait too long where they are exposed to the information and someone else educate them and do so incorrectly or do it too soon furthering their curiosity. Bwoy it sticky.

My mom was educating my niece about the male and female anatomy because she kept referring to her vagina as 'pee pee hole' and her anus as 'dodo hole'. My mom tried to explain to her that a female- women and girls like my mother and herself (my niece) has a vagina. Males like her father and grandfather has a penis. My mom asked if she understand and she said yes. Her grandfather then walked in.

My niece:  Grandfather, what do you have, vagina or penis? Her grandfather  replied  "I have a penis"

My niece:  Let me see it?

It took a while to explain and convince her, why it's inappropriate for her grandfather to show her his penis,  and for her to show anyone her private parts. 

 Precocious Kids are Scary

My niece: Auntie, do you have a husband?

Me: No, not yet

My niece: How come? Why can't you borrow one?

Me: You can't borrow another persons husband.

My niece: Silly Auntie, yes you can, to keep your company when it's  raining. Stacy's mommy borrowed Mikayla's mommy husband. 

Me: How do you know that?

My niece: Stacy said she went to sleep in her mommy's bed one night when it was raining because she got scared and Mikayla's mommy husband was sleeping in Stacy's mom bed, keeping her company. She gave  him back in the night. She did not keep him.

Me: Sas crise! Fada God of creation!Might God of Daniel!

 

My scariest moment was yet to come

My eight-year old cousin: Auntie, how do babies come out of a vagina and the hole is so small?

Me: Wanting to evaporate into thin air.

I began to explain to her using the analogy of the rubber band and how the vagina can snap back. That did not go well because my little cousin recalled an experience that she had, where she was stretching a rubber band and it broke.

My eight-year old cousin: Auntie, did your vagina hole stretch and broke?

Me: Jesus take me now

Me: It's called a vagina and not a vagina hole.

My eight-year old cousin: But Auntie, it has a hole at the bottom.

 Me: Blank expression and my jaw slightly hangs open...no response.

My eight-year old cousin: Auntie did the doctor gave you a new vagina?

 Me: One stop driver. Please let me off, I am exiting earth.