Letters from a Bunna Man: Letter # 1

To whom it may concern,

My name is George. Three years ago, I was engaged to be married to the Jezebel who I thought was the love of my life. Unfortunately, she is now big belly, matches-stick foot Gregory’s wife.  I was traded for another lover by the girl who I  upgraded to fine dining. I took her from Tastees beef patty, extra fries and KFC zinger. I thought she would have left me for a singer, or a man that drives a bimmer (BMW) or at the very least someone who can occasionally take her out to dinner. 

Instead, she left me for Greg. Greg with an oval head that shapes like an egg. I was livid when I found out that she was bumping and grinding him in our king size bed. But I am almost over that now, even though it fucked with my head. In retrospect, it wasn’t even bun (infidelity) that she gave me with extra-terrestrial looking Greg, that was straight-up hard dough bread. 

But who does that though; give up on a rewarding and promising successful future- building life, to return to one that promises nothing? Then she tried to justify her dirty deeds, telling me her heart couldn’t escape nor resist grasshopper looking Greg’s loving. 

Anyway, this isn’t about big ears Greg who sells Prestige doughnuts and bag juice Downtown nor about my Samson’s hair-cutter ex who took me for a clown. Even though, the big bottom, angelic smile temptress, thieving Jezebel stole everything from my house. Damn! She hurt me the most. She even took all my clothes. 

Jesus’ slippers cutter even took the one sharp knife in the kitchen, the one with the broken handle.  All the snake charmer left was a white plastic chair and one and a half candle.  But like I said, this isn’t, about them. This is about my adventures. The adventures of George. Call me George- George, the Bunna Man.

Until next time,

George